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Sunday, February 8, 2009


Ok, It was bound to happen sooner or later; My first attempt at a slightly humoristic, slightly satirical, and slightly sarcastic commentary on the current news.

This weekend the US congress fought over the resolution of Obama’s version of a stimulus and fail-out, oops I mean bail-out, package. They finally came to terms cutting approximately 20% of the package.
Here is a list of cuts; and my take on each…. Ba-da-boom !

Partially cut:
• $3.5 billion for energy-efficient federal buildings (original bill $7 billion)
> We all know the government is never efficient.

• $75 million from Smithsonian (original bill $150 million)
> Come on, the Smithsonian is FREE!!!
> That means it is one of the best economic
> bang for the buck attractions around; even in a recession…

• $200 million from Environmental Protection Agency Superfund (original bill $800 million)
> Well, if we are not going to make the government more efficient
> and save energy, why do we need to protect the resources?

• $100 million from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (original bill $427 million)
> NOAA? But I love all those great and colorful radar pictures,
> satellite views, and long range forecasts. Not to mention
> advanced warnings on hurricanes and other natural disasters!!!

• $100 million from law enforcement wireless (original bill $200 million)
> 50% cut? Either this is the republicans attempt to make them
> more efficient or congress does not have a clue.
> Might as well have cut it all if you really don’t
> want first responders to communicate.

• $300 million from federal fleet of hybrid vehicles (original bill $600 million)
> Makes sense, see (EPA and Federal Building Cuts)…
> Who cares about setting a g
ood example…

• $100 million from FBI construction (original bill $400 million)
> Well, if you are cutting wireless so they can’t “roam”
> where are all these people going to sit?

Fully eliminated

• $55 million for historic preservation
> Goes along with not protecting stuff…

• $122 million for Coast Guard polar icebreaker/cutters
> Since we are not cutting emissions,
> it’s all going to melt anyway…

• $100 million for Farm Service Agency modernization
> Gotta keep those migrant workers employed…
> Oooooo Sorry – not PC.

• $50 million for Cooperative State Research, Education and Extension Service
> Sounds like something to do with education…

• $65 million for watershed rehabilitation
> If we are not going to preserve stuff, and conserve stuff,
> then why bother with rehab?

• $100 million for distance learning
> More education cuts,
> oh and no wireless to support distance learning either…

• $98 million for school nutrition
> So, not only do we not educate better,
> We stop feeding them too?
> Looks like the kids will be packing more lunches…

• $50 million for aquaculture
> What is aquaculture?

• $2 billion for broadband
> No FIOS either?
> And the weather channel just went HD too… :-(
> Hmmmm, What about IPTV, Streaming Movies
> and other large AV content delivery businesses.

• $100 million for National Institute of Standards and Technology
> NIST –
> there’s a pun about government having standards in here somewhere…

• $50 million for detention trustee
> Is this school or federal?

• $25 million for Marshalls Construction
> What is Marshall Constructing?

• $300 million for federal prisons
> Must have meant federal detention…

• $300 million for BYRNE Formula grant program
> Byrne? Gotta look this one up?

• $140 million for BYRNE Competitive grant program
> Baby Burn…

• $10 million state and local law enforcement
> Again with the first responders… Sheeesh.

• $50 million for NASA
> This probably means one less astronaut….

• $50 million for aeronautics
> Isn’t our fleet of planes getting old?
> in need of repair and or replacement?
> I thought building infrastructure was for Planes, Trains, and Automobiles…
> Guess it’s just going to be Trains and Automobiles, oh wait…
> Auto companies are going down the tubes..
> Just Trains I guess.

• $50 million for exploration
> Exploration of what?
> Who needs to explore when we just cut NASA, NOAA,
> Communications, Education and broadband delivery
> for all the information we aren’t going to find out about…

• $50 million for Cross Agency Support
> No wireless,
> No buildings for agency workers,
> OK already, we get the point

• $200 million for National Science Foundation
> Exactly what do they do?

• $100 million for science
> Again with the science.
> Doesn’t matter,
> We will not be going anywhere and exploring either.

• $1 billion for Energy Loan Guarantees
> So more people will not be able to afford heat… Great!

• $4.5 billion for General Services Administration
> Probably a drop in the bucket for them…

• $89 million General Services Administration operations
> If you cut operations, you need less administrators…
> (this almost makes sense!)

• $50 million from Department of Homeland Security
> Again with the security and first responders…
> and cross agency communication.
> Hope no radical groups are looking at this list.

• $200 million Transportation Security Administration
> Well, we already cut the planes and autos,
> so all they need to watch are the trains…

• $122 million for Coast Guard Cutters, modifies use
> With more water, aren’t they going to need more boats?

• $25 million for Fish and Wildlife
> Guess in their minds,
> more water = more room for more fish and more wildlife…

• $55 million for historic preservation
> Wasn’t this the first thing cut?

• $20 million for working capital fund
> Wouldn’t working capital help the economy?

• $165 million for Forest Service capital improvement
> We already covered resource management…

• $90 million for State and Private Wildlife Fire Management
> Ditto…

• $1 billion for Head Start/Early Start
> Queue the music…
> “We don’t need no education…”

• $5.8 billion for Health Prevention Activity
> They probably thought this meant preventing health…
> which would not be a good thing….

• $2 billion for Health Information Technology Grants
> There goes Obama’s electronic medical records project

• $600 million for Title I (No Child Left Behind)
> Sure, building for the future does not mean education…

• $16 billion for school construction
> Unbelievable….

• $3.5 billion for higher education construction
> No worries,
> less of them are going to be smart enough to get into college
> So, you can cut the college loan programs too…

• $1.25 billion for project based rental
> Does this have something to do with the housing?

• $2.25 billion for Neighborhood Stabilization
> No education,
> no first responders communicating,
> no housing…
> no worries about stable neighborhoods?

• $1.2 billion for retrofitting Project 8 housing
> Come on people…. !!!

• $40 billion for state fiscal stabilization (includes $7.5 billion of state incentive grants)
> We bail out bad banks and executives
> but not states being affected by a bad economy?


Gimpdiggity February 9, 2009 at 4:12 AM  

Nice post Doug.

You forgot to mention that the "$300 million cut from hybrid vehicle budget" is essentially a kick to the automakers while they are down. Keep in mind the US automakers were basically made to do tricks like a bunch of stray dogs when trying to get their bail-out, and part of the requirements were that they commit certain amounts and numbers to the industry of these hybrid vehicles. Keep in mind also that the US Government is a HUGE purchaser of vehicles from those Big 3. So the fact that they put some sales goals into that bail out, then the government itself is cutting what they wanted to spend on those cars, it's going to make it just that much harder for the Big 3 to live up to their end of the bargain.

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