Ba-Da-Boom

Ok, It was bound to happen sooner or later; My first attempt at a slightly humoristic, slightly satirical, and slightly sarcastic commentary on the current news.

This weekend the US congress fought over the resolution of Obama’s version of a stimulus and fail-out, oops I mean bail-out, package. They finally came to terms cutting approximately 20% of the package.
Here is a list of cuts; and my take on each…. Ba-da-boom !

Partially cut:
• $3.5 billion for energy-efficient federal buildings (original bill $7 billion)
> We all know the government is never efficient.

• $75 million from Smithsonian (original bill $150 million)
> Come on, the Smithsonian is FREE!!!
> That means it is one of the best economic
> bang for the buck attractions around; even in a recession…

• $200 million from Environmental Protection Agency Superfund (original bill $800 million)
> Well, if we are not going to make the government more efficient
> and save energy, why do we need to protect the resources?

• $100 million from National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (original bill $427 million)
> NOAA? But I love all those great and colorful radar pictures,
> satellite views, and long range forecasts. Not to mention
> advanced warnings on hurricanes and other natural disasters!!!

• $100 million from law enforcement wireless (original bill $200 million)
> 50% cut? Either this is the republicans attempt to make them
> more efficient or congress does not have a clue.
> Might as well have cut it all if you really don’t
> want first responders to communicate.

• $300 million from federal fleet of hybrid vehicles (original bill $600 million)
> Makes sense, see (EPA and Federal Building Cuts)…
> Who cares about setting a good example…

• $100 million from FBI construction (original bill $400 million)
> Well, if you are cutting wireless so they can’t “roam”
> where are all these people going to sit?

Fully eliminated

• $55 million for historic preservation
> Goes along with not protecting stuff…

• $122 million for Coast Guard polar icebreaker/cutters
> Since we are not cutting emissions,
> it’s all going to melt anyway…

• $100 million for Farm Service Agency modernization
> Gotta keep those migrant workers employed…
> Oooooo Sorry – not PC.

• $50 million for Cooperative State Research, Education and Extension Service
> Sounds like something to do with education…

• $65 million for watershed rehabilitation
> If we are not going to preserve stuff, and conserve stuff,
> then why bother with rehab?

• $100 million for distance learning
> More education cuts,
> oh and no wireless to support distance learning either…

• $98 million for school nutrition
> So, not only do we not educate better,
> We stop feeding them too?
> Looks like the kids will be packing more lunches…

• $50 million for aquaculture
> What is aquaculture?

• $2 billion for broadband
> No FIOS either?
> And the weather channel just went HD too… :-(
> Hmmmm, What about IPTV, Streaming Movies
> and other large AV content delivery businesses.

• $100 million for National Institute of Standards and Technology
> NIST –
> there’s a pun about government having standards in here somewhere…

• $50 million for detention trustee
> Is this school or federal?

• $25 million for Marshalls Construction
> What is Marshall Constructing?

• $300 million for federal prisons
> Must have meant federal detention…

• $300 million for BYRNE Formula grant program
> Byrne? Gotta look this one up?

• $140 million for BYRNE Competitive grant program
> Baby Burn…

• $10 million state and local law enforcement
> Again with the first responders… Sheeesh.

• $50 million for NASA
> This probably means one less astronaut….

• $50 million for aeronautics
> Isn’t our fleet of planes getting old?
> in need of repair and or replacement?
> I thought building infrastructure was for Planes, Trains, and Automobiles…
> Guess it’s just going to be Trains and Automobiles, oh wait…
> Auto companies are going down the tubes..
> Just Trains I guess.

• $50 million for exploration
> Exploration of what?
> Who needs to explore when we just cut NASA, NOAA,
> Communications, Education and broadband delivery
> for all the information we aren’t going to find out about…

• $50 million for Cross Agency Support
> No wireless,
> No buildings for agency workers,
> OK already, we get the point

• $200 million for National Science Foundation
> Exactly what do they do?

• $100 million for science
> Again with the science.
> Doesn’t matter,
> We will not be going anywhere and exploring either.

• $1 billion for Energy Loan Guarantees
> So more people will not be able to afford heat… Great!

• $4.5 billion for General Services Administration
> Probably a drop in the bucket for them…

• $89 million General Services Administration operations
> If you cut operations, you need less administrators…
> (this almost makes sense!)

• $50 million from Department of Homeland Security
> Again with the security and first responders…
> and cross agency communication.
> Hope no radical groups are looking at this list.

• $200 million Transportation Security Administration
> Well, we already cut the planes and autos,
> so all they need to watch are the trains…

• $122 million for Coast Guard Cutters, modifies use
> With more water, aren’t they going to need more boats?

• $25 million for Fish and Wildlife
> Guess in their minds,
> more water = more room for more fish and more wildlife…

• $55 million for historic preservation
> Wasn’t this the first thing cut?

• $20 million for working capital fund
> Wouldn’t working capital help the economy?

• $165 million for Forest Service capital improvement
> We already covered resource management…

• $90 million for State and Private Wildlife Fire Management
> Ditto…

• $1 billion for Head Start/Early Start
> Queue the music…
> “We don’t need no education…”

• $5.8 billion for Health Prevention Activity
> They probably thought this meant preventing health…
> which would not be a good thing….

• $2 billion for Health Information Technology Grants
> There goes Obama’s electronic medical records project

• $600 million for Title I (No Child Left Behind)
> Sure, building for the future does not mean education…

• $16 billion for school construction
> Unbelievable….

• $3.5 billion for higher education construction
> No worries,
> less of them are going to be smart enough to get into college
> So, you can cut the college loan programs too…

• $1.25 billion for project based rental
> Does this have something to do with the housing?

• $2.25 billion for Neighborhood Stabilization
> No education,
> no first responders communicating,
> no housing…
> no worries about stable neighborhoods?

• $1.2 billion for retrofitting Project 8 housing
> Come on people…. !!!

• $40 billion for state fiscal stabilization (includes $7.5 billion of state incentive grants)
> We bail out bad banks and executives
> but not states being affected by a bad economy?