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Friday, February 27, 2009

Dear Mr Snyder

As a born and raised Redskins fan let me be the first to congratulate you and the organization for making such a bold offseason, free agency move.

The way I figure it, provided he stays healthy and gives 100%, Albert Haynesworth will be making approximately $1,000,000 per tackle next year.

And being the true and caring fan that I am, I also know that there are other positions on the team which need new and talented blood.

So, I have a suggestion…

Let me be the first to provide you an excellent choice. He is a team leader, has proven experience as both TE, and Safety; is willing to move inside on the offensive line to help out at Guard or Tackle; and even has a good enough arm to have gotten some work as a 2nd string QB. This person will give 100% effort every single play, of every single game, and, heck, even every single practice. In fact he is even willing to play on both offense and defense in order to give you and the organization the biggest bang for the buck.

Yes, that person would be me!

And lets not forget about the all important media attention and image that I will bring to the organization. I am a dedicated family man, have been married for over 20 years – to the same woman, and I have never been in trouble with the law, been inappropriately photographed, or been accused of taking illegal drugs or being a candidate for an anger management program.

Now this by no means that I am dull or boring!

In fact, I promise to make multiple highlight reels on both the local and national sports channels including ESPN. Yes, you, Vinni, and 80,000 screaming fans will shake your heads in disbelieve as I make move after unbelievably enthusiastic football move. My body will be flying all over the field trying to make tackles, block huge, powerful charging linemen and diving into the dirt to catch every ball tossed my way.

In fact, I would gladly do this for you, Vinni, and all sports fans around the world. And all it would cost you is $1,000,000 per tackle or catch.

I’m sure I’d be able to make at least one of those during the season….


Gimpdiggity February 28, 2009 at 4:45 AM  

This is awesome. It's kind of like a letter that I wrote to the Ford's about how they should just let me be GM for a season. I would only charge them like $75 grand, and there's no possible way I could do worse than what the Lions did last season!!!

Sam March 2, 2009 at 7:52 PM  

Hey Doug, why not come up here to sunny and warm (ha-ha) Minnesota and play quarterback? You can't be any worse than the Three Stooges we now have, Tarvaris, Sage and John. Let me know if you are interested, I bet I could hook you up. I know people.


Doug March 3, 2009 at 6:59 AM  

And you have the Mall of America Too!
Hey Honey......I've got an idea.... ;-)

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