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Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Taser Tag!

Obviously you all have seen and heard about this event.

A Philly fan was tasered.

Awwwww toooooo F!@#$ BAD!

Granted, the Philly fan in question was a teenager, so that explains a lot. He even phoned his dad before hand and asked “what would you think about me running out onto the field?”

Dad: “Probably not a good idea”…

Then I got to thinking. This really is not fair.

After all, would we want to taser every fan who ran out onto a sporting venue or
playing field?

Lets review…

Hank Aaron:

Set the record and fans ran out to congratulate him – but in reality, he had received numerous death threats, and was in fear of losing his life.

Stanford – California Game:

Where marching band ran out way too early….

The Kissing Bandit:

Would you really want to taser her?

Or her?

( Tiger Woods actually had to wait while officials ummm cleared the 18th hole and declared it safe to play at the British Open)

But then again, there are instances where fans inexplicably attacked with switch blades…

So, this got me into thinking that maybe we should install remote controlled gun turrets to take care of unruly fans, but that would really not be fair to innocent folks like the kissing bandit. Plus it might add to game time with “unsightly clean-up activity”.

An alternative would be to have paint ball guns installed.

If you have ever been hit with a paint ball while wearing no padding, you know how it feels…

Then again looking back at the original picture of the Philly fan getting taser tagged…

The security detail probably realized he was too fat and slow to catch the average fan and pulled out the taser.

How pathetic!

So, maybe we should institute a minimal physical requirement for security detail.

After doing a bit of research, I came up with the “average” speed of an “average” person’s time for the 40 yard dash…

8.2 seconds. (I even rounded up)

FYI : 1760 yards / mile. Avg walking speed is 2 - 3 mph. Avg power walk is 4 - 6 mph. Avg run is 8 - 12 mph. Lets go with 10 mph.
This translates into 4.88888 yards per second.

In my opinion that is pitifully slow. But then again, I have not tried to run a 40 yard dash in, well forever, but for the sake of this post and my original supposition. . .

Lets go with 10 mph and 8.2 seconds for the 40 yard dash. . .

If you cannot consistently beat the average speed of 8.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash, you are not allowed to be part of the security detail for ANY sporting event !!!



Dave Miller May 7, 2010 at 1:42 PM  

I think it was Dan Patrick who wondered if we could increase baseball attendance by substituting tasering for singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" for the seventh inning stretch.

Your point on security guards is well taken.. And should apply to cops too as they progress through the ranks.

There seem to be too many of these types all around the country who would die if they had to run a 400 meter race with a bad guy...

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