Taser Tag!

Obviously you all have seen and heard about this event.















A Philly fan was tasered.

Awwwww toooooo F!@#$ BAD!

Granted, the Philly fan in question was a teenager, so that explains a lot. He even phoned his dad before hand and asked “what would you think about me running out onto the field?”

Dad: “Probably not a good idea”…

Then I got to thinking. This really is not fair.

After all, would we want to taser every fan who ran out onto a sporting venue or
playing field?

Lets review…

Hank Aaron:





















Set the record and fans ran out to congratulate him – but in reality, he had received numerous death threats, and was in fear of losing his life.

Stanford – California Game:



















Where marching band ran out way too early….

The Kissing Bandit:

















Would you really want to taser her?

Or her?





















( Tiger Woods actually had to wait while officials ummm cleared the 18th hole and declared it safe to play at the British Open)

But then again, there are instances where fans inexplicably attacked with switch blades…










So, this got me into thinking that maybe we should install remote controlled gun turrets to take care of unruly fans, but that would really not be fair to innocent folks like the kissing bandit. Plus it might add to game time with “unsightly clean-up activity”.

An alternative would be to have paint ball guns installed.

If you have ever been hit with a paint ball while wearing no padding, you know how it feels…




















Then again looking back at the original picture of the Philly fan getting taser tagged…

















The security detail probably realized he was too fat and slow to catch the average fan and pulled out the taser.

How pathetic!

So, maybe we should institute a minimal physical requirement for security detail.

After doing a bit of research, I came up with the “average” speed of an “average” person’s time for the 40 yard dash…

8.2 seconds. (I even rounded up)

FYI : 1760 yards / mile. Avg walking speed is 2 - 3 mph. Avg power walk is 4 - 6 mph. Avg run is 8 - 12 mph. Lets go with 10 mph.
This translates into 4.88888 yards per second.

In my opinion that is pitifully slow. But then again, I have not tried to run a 40 yard dash in, well forever, but for the sake of this post and my original supposition. . .

Lets go with 10 mph and 8.2 seconds for the 40 yard dash. . .

If you cannot consistently beat the average speed of 8.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash, you are not allowed to be part of the security detail for ANY sporting event !!!

Period.

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Mutt Madness

In the spirit of March madness and in an effort to honor all sport fans, both human and non human, I introduce the first annual Fumbled Returns Mutt Madness Contest.

Actually, it is a really boring time for football and fantasy football fans everywhere and I was looking for a way to spice things up a bit.

So, without further delay, I introduce Fumbled Returns Mutt Madness!!!

The Rules:
1) Open to any sport or team or athlete of your choice.
2) Open to any type of Dog of your choice. Sorry, we are dog people no other pets allowed in contest.
3) Decorate your dog(s) in your favorite team or sport hero’s colors, logos, uniforms, or what ever you can think of. The end result should be to show both yours and your pets loyalty and passion and humor for the sport and the game.

These next ones should be obvious but I am going to include them anyway…
4) No permanent damage and or do not physically harm your pet in any way.
5) Tasteful entries only please, though I will be the judge as to what is tasteful or not, and I have been known to have my moments (slip ups in judgment). So if you have a risqué risky idea (but not too much) go ahead and submit it.

Contest starts March 1st and ends March 29th.
Category winners will be announced March 30th.
Top Dog (Grand Prize Winner) will be announced March 31st.

The Categories:

Rookies: This is for puppies up till the age of 1 year. Because we all know that puppies have mega cute factor when young and may pose an unfair advantage to the older entries.

Veterans: Adult dogs over 1 year of age. Despite the fact that nearly all sports and contests are split between men and women, I am keeping this as one category. After all, we all know that both are equal… right? ;-)

Groupies: For entries of two or more pets.

Faux-Paws: (for photochop experts)Because, we all know that there always some athletes and contestants who are… “enhanced”.

Entries and Winner Determination:

Send all entries to fumbledreturns@gmail.com

Please include your pet(s) name and the category you wish to be entered in.

All approved entries will be posted on the Fumbled Returns Facebook Fan Page for everyone to view, comment and most importantly VOTE ON.

Each category will be a separate photo album on the fan page.

You can cast your vote by pressing the “like” button on the entries you like most.

You can vote for more than one entry but not multiple times for the same entry.

The Prizes:

The winner of each category will receive a yet to be determined prize (probably some sort of sports chew toy). If there is a tie (as in two or more category entries have the same number of "like" votes) the tie breaker will be who has the most favorable comments. If there is still a tie, I get to pick.

A grand prize, Top Dog, winner will be chosen, by my wife and I, and receive a complimentary hand painted painting of the winner as interpreted by my lovely and talented wife.

You can see excellent examples of her work on Etsy.

She also runs a blog called Hope and Greyz.

So everyone get your thinking caps on, and get as creative as you can be, and dress up those wonderful pets of yours.

Spread the word to all your friends to try and get the most votes and may the best contestant win!

Check back as often as you wish to view new and updated entries!

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We want your brain...

NFL to Players: Please Donate Your Brains.

OK, so not to be little this too much, I do realize that this is important for players and the NFL....

But, exactly what are they trying to do here and shouldn't studies such as this be expanded to include other sports, owners, coaches and even fans?

And shouldn't the effects of drugs and other factors be taken into consideration?

And what about just excessive stress and all the "stress relief" products out on the market?

Such as this one...



After all, lets look at some of the symptoms of brain injury...

Any brain function can be disrupted by brain trauma:

excessive sleepiness,
inattention,
difficulty concentrating,
impaired memory,
faulty judgment,
depression,
irritability,
emotional outbursts,
disturbed sleep,
diminished libido,
difficulty switching between two tasks,
and slowed thinking.

This could explain a lot.

Based on symptoms alone, I think we could apply this study to any number of "bad" Teams, Coaches, Owners and yes even fans...

Such as...

The Cleveland Browns.

The New Jersey Nets.

The Washington Nationals.

Mike Martz.

I'm sure people could think of at least a few others.

And of course, sometimes the players are their own worst enemies...

Here are two examples...

One from this past weekend where Flozell Adams shows how to tackle Marion Barber...


And this classic Redskin Moment...





Makes you wonder...What were they thinking!!!

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Red on the Redskins...

OK, so we all know the Redskins spotted the Bucs 10 points and a whole first half of a football game and still came back to win! Congratulations!

You all get to keep your jobs for one more week...

What I find most interesting about the game is not necessarily how the Redskins discovered some fire and came back to actually play some football; but rather all the Fan Activity.

There were those who showed their true opinions and practiced freedom of speech...



















There were those who also showed their support for other quality Washington Teams...


















And there were members of the CAPS on hand to ... Well, maybe they were there to help with emotions, and maybe share some INTENSITY with those who need it most....or even kick some field goals...



















And then there were those who just did not think a plan through, like these guys...

Local Radio Station Holds a FAN BAG Give-away to wear at the GAME!

The great Paper Bag giveaway was a total flop!

Turns out, bags are prohibited inside the stadium, and there were multiple reports of the bags being confiscated by security.

And it seems we still have a few stragglers in the lost and confused category...























I'm almost hoping that the Redskins continue to spawn controversy, because I am beginning to really love all the local fans and their reactions! It's actually more fun and entertaining than some of their games...

ALMOST

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Unintended Consequences...

So I picked the Lions to beat up on my Skins last week and they did.

That has set off a fury of chats, flames, and hate mail and most importantly for Dan Snyder, fan and media attention.

You see, this all translates into money for him, which makes him more successful and therefore HE WILL NOT CHANGE !!!

Fans care, at least the ones who make noise do.
Good or Bad they let their voices be heard. That is part of what makes this sport so much fun.

But, recently I have noticed that there have been unintended consequences to this momentous event.

Lack of an identity! Both within team members and with some of the fan base.

Take this picture for instance....





















This boy is totally without focus!
He is utterly confused and no longer has a firm grasp of his FAN IDENTITY!

So in an effort to right a wrong, I will root for and pick the Skins to win this week. If for no other reason than to establish order to the young and impressionable fans of tomorrow.

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Fan Appreciation Day

A Real Washington Redskin Fan !!!



So, today was Redskin Fan Appreciation Day at Redskin Park.

William was so psyched he even put on Marks Football Cleats.













Mark and Genna couldn't wait to try on real life redskin gear!













The Day opens with the marching band and cheerleaders followed by the coaches pep talk, warm ups and finally a inter-squad scrimmage.

Apparently everyone decided to find the first and best available spot up on the hill near the complex where the players come out.

We got there just as the coaches pep talk was starting and, with a little more walking, managed to get a decent view of field from the far end zone corner and even had some shade available.













From here we could watch the field goal practice...



Watch the big boys warm up ....
























And get a chance to watch the action...



Mark even managed to get an autograph from #11 Devin Thomas.

All in all, a really good outing !!!

And next weekend is my leagues on-line draft party !!! Wooo Hooo !!!

Yes it is definitely time for some football !!!

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He's a Maniac, Maniac!

Yes, start the disco music!

So much for the NFL anti-gambling policy. The NFL was anti-gambling because it could not profit from, or regulate it; until now...

Now, they can get a government endorsed promotion which has the "good for community" spin and of course fan involvement. Virginia historically says that approximately 95% of profits go towards the Public Schools. Though the skeptic in me doubts that applies to an NFL/Redskins endorsed promotion...

All the while getting more revenue from the fans, even the non-ticket holder fans!

How?

Well of course there is always the lure of easy money...

With THREE top prize tickets out there each worth a cool 1 Million Dollars!!!

This hook gets all the normal sports gamblers out of the closet and purchasing tickets.



But the real hook is for all those "I wish I could score some easy season tickets" fans out there!!!

Since you only stand about a 1 in 3 chance of winning anything at all, you can take any loosing ticket and enter it in a "Second Chance" drawing!




And what can you get with the Second Chance Drawing?
















What I find most interesting about this second chance prize list is the "value" attached to it. I think these "values" warrant some discussion and perhaps thought, especially regarding any "tax" implications...


Premium Club Season Tickets for 20 Years
Starting with the 2010 NFL pre-season and expiring at the conclusion of the 2029 NFL regular season. Two club seats (in the “Club A” seating area of the Club Level at FedExField) and one orange parking pass to all pre-season and regular-season home games at FedExField. The total prize value (including the taxes contributed on the winner’s behalf) is $273,900.00.

Luxury Suite for One Game
One catered luxury suite for up to 20 people, six purple parking passes and $1,000 in spending money. Good for one predetermined home game at FedExField during the 2009 season. The total prize value (including the taxes contributed on the winner’s behalf) is $29,000.00.

VIP Travel with the Team to Dallas
Round-trip travel on the team plane, local travel on the team bus, hotel accommodations in the team hotel and two tickets to the game. Each winner can bring one guest (at least 18 years old) and will receive $1,000 in spending money. The total prize value (including the taxes contributed on the winner’s behalf) is $15,200.00.

Premium Club Season Tickets
Two club seats (in the “Club A” seating area of the Club Level at FedExField) and one orange parking pass to all 2010 pre-season and regular-season home games at FedExField. The total prize value (including the taxes contributed on the winner’s behalf) is $13,700.00.

Redskins Player for a Day
Authentic one-day Redskins player contract includes: personalized Redskins jersey and player sideline hat, on-stage photo opportunity at Redskins Park behind Super Bowl trophies, Redskins “Chalk Talk” presented to the group by a Redskins coach or member of the Player Personnel Department, VIP tour of Redskins Park and $500 signing bonus. Each winner may bring one guest (18+). The prize value is $3,000.00.

VIP Practice Experience
VIP Practice Invite includes: opportunity to view practice from the sidelines (just as the coaches do), player sideline hat, white-panel Redskins football, opportunity to obtain autographs from players and coaches after practice, Redskins “Chalk Talk” presented to the group by a Redskins coach or member of the Player Personnel Department, VIP tour of Redskins Park and $500 signing bonus. Each winner may bring one guest (18+). The prize value is $3,000.00.

Premium Club Individual Game Tickets
Two club seats (in the “Club A” seating area of the Club Level at FedExField), one orange parking pass, and $500 in spending money. The total prize value is $1,500.00.

Game Worn Jerseys
One authentic game-used jersey signed by a Redskins player. The prize value is $1,000.00.

Authentic Redskins Helmet Signed by Player of Winner’s Choice
One authentic Redskins helmet signed by a current Redskins player, current coach, or available Hall of Fame alumni player or coach of the winner’s choice. The prize value is $500.00.

$500 Redskins Shopping Spree
One $500 Redskins Retail Store gift card. Expiration of the gift card will be no sooner than two years from mail date.

BUT IT GETS EVEN BETTER !!!!

There is not just one second chance drawing...but 9 total drawings!!!

First Drawing - Friday, August 28, 2009
Second Drawing - Friday, September 11, 2009
Third Drawing - Friday, September 25, 2009
Fourth Drawing - Friday, October 9, 2009
Fifth Drawing - Friday, October 23, 2009
Sixth Drawing - Friday, November 6, 2009
Seventh Drawing - Friday, November 20, 2009
Eighth Drawing - Friday, December 4, 2009
Ninth Drawing - Friday, March 26, 2010

And only loosing tickets received between each drawing are eligible for the next drawing.

For example... the first drawing is August 28th. To participate in this drawing,
entries must be received from Monday, August 3 to Thursday, August 27, 2009 11:59 pm.

To participate in the second drawing, you need to send in more loosing tickets between August 28th and September 10.

And so on and so on....

What a great hook!!!

What a great way to syphon even more money from your loyal fan base!!!

I can't wait to see what other "promotions" gambling schemes the NFL owners will come up with next!

Here is a copy of the official announcement.

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