No Hothouse Flowers

I am old school. No big secret there.

I am a big proponent of clearly defined and simple rules.

Not the least of which should include: Having fun and being good.

The best memories and even wisdom can come from life’s experiences.

When it comes to Football, There should be one clearly defined rule.
Actually several, but the first ones should go like this.

- NFL Football Stadiums should be outdoor stadiums.
- NFL Football Fields should be natural turf.
- NFL Fans should love the elements as much as the game itself.

Plain and simple: Football is an outdoor sport!

As I watched the Vikings Monday Night Football Game against Da Bears, I came to the realization that I, and these simple rules, have been right all along . . . ;-)

And a lot of important people agree with me. Here are just a few:

Joe Gibbs: There is no indoor practice facility at Redskins park because of his long standing belief that football is an outdoor sport.

Leslie Frazier: grew up in the cold and experienced many a football game in the elements and loves the idea of being out in the elements.

Zygi Wilf: wants to reinstate the tradition back in Minnesota, or where ever he ends up moving the team . . .

I sincerely hope that this outdoor tradition catches hold and we see a lot more games played out in the elements like the one last night and see more new OUTDOOR stadiums being built.

And for those of you who want to point out that I was inside a climate controlled room with a wide screen TV while I came to this enlightened realization remember this:

I was about 1200 miles away
and
TV is NOT an outdoor sport!

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NFL Uniforms - The Source?

So this week we had a leak of new Nike NFL Uniforms hit the web.

By now everyone knows they are fake.





But where did they come from?

Who drew them? What is the source?

And Why?


Well, here at Fumbled Returns we strive to uncover the truth behind the story.

To separate fact, from fiction.

We of course started with the various news agencies, press releases and sports talk shows.

It did not take long for us to realize that there were basically three variations of this story.

1) It was real – later supposedly proven to be false
2) It was a hoax – generated by lonely bored and or failed graphic artists.
3) It was really a conspiracy theory hatched by the NFL and Nike to judge market and fan reaction to their concept drawings.

Which one of these is the truth, if any; and how do we go about exposing the real source of this news and sports story?

Lets start with the last one. The conspiracy theory - With a little of "hoax" thrown in for good measure...

If one were to expand this hoax and conspiracy theory in a predictable next step, we should soon see one of these “concept” drawings show up as a real true prototype.

And when you have a prototype, you have the chance and the opportunity for theft, smuggling and illegal transport of goods for monetary gain.

I believe that the feds have already taken action to stop this from happening by instituting new scanning










and pat down procedures for the TSA. How else would one hope to uncover smuggling of these concept prototype uniforms?











Don't believe that lady could hide a uniform in there? Well if Leslie Johnson, the wife of the arrested PG executive, Jack Johnson, can stuff $80K in here bra, you can see why hiding a uniform just might be plausible.

I applaud the TSA for “checking out” every potential passenger traveling into and out of airports. But I believe there is a better way to catch a thief. And the source.


Fraudulently claim to be that said source yourself!

Following the money is often the best, quickest and most reliable method to getting to the root of a problem, investigation or uncovering the source.

So here is my solution.

Post up on Zazzle the new concept uniforms and sell them for $19.95 a piece.













Trust me, real , fake , liked, disliked or otherwise, you will get a lot of interest and people wanting to buy them if for no other reason, memorabilia.

If they are really test marketed by the NFL and Nike as a hoax , I guarantee that you will have them jumping all over you with their lawyers and the conspiracy theorists will be proven correct.

If they are really from bored lonely fans and failed artists, and that person(s) sees you making tons of money off of their idea, you will be contacted.

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Stop, Drop and Roll

The stock market stopped its multi week rally with a nearly 2 point drop across the board; Reminding all investors that they need to roll with the punches. Except many of them went running to Gold and other precious metals sending the already inflated prices even higher. That is OK because it only creates more opportunity for the rest of us to buy on the dips and sell later on the highs.

My new investment portfolio courtesy of Sharebuilder was up over 5% before this week and I am still up nearly 3% overall. I’ve had a couple big winners so far this month and one of them I actually managed to invest in. Metricity (MOTR) is up 30% and Lincoln Educational Services is up 18%.

So with my automatic stop gain / loss (drop) settings, in this case “gain”, I’ve already locked in a 30% gain in one of my investments after just 10 days. We will have to see how the rest of the month plays out (rolls along).

The winning play of the Falcons – Ravens game was an example of drop and roll.




Or rather stiff arm push off to the head, knock the player down and watch him stumble and roll to the ground while you catch the game winning touchdown pass.

That one marvelous 33 yard TD, no penalty called, play was worth an extra 10 fantasy points for my Borderless League team. That would be 6 for the TD, 1 for the pass yardage, and 3 bonus for passing over 300 yards. That one pass play gave Matt Ryan 316 yards and me 10 fantasy points! Wow!

Speaking of wow, this year the league is incredibly even and exciting!

At this point in the season, both the East Coast Conference and West Coast Conference have their top 4 teams with identical records.

That is the top two teams in each conference are 6 -3 and each of the next two teams are 5 – 4. And, coincidentally, each 6 – 3 team is playing an intra-league 5 – 4 team this week!











With only 3 games, after this week remaining before the playoffs, things are getting really really exciting ! Oh yeah, my team (The Fun Bunch) is 6 – 3 in the East Coast. I’ve won 3 in a row now, so hopefully my winning streak will not stop, causing me to drop in the standings, and leaving the playoff race(s) up to the roll of the dice.

Until next time, Be Good, Do Well, Have Fun.

And remember Stop, Drop and Roll !!!

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This week we saw -

Pike called up from the nether worlds to take command beside his highly effective offensive line and teammates.

BTW – That would be Tony Pike of the Carolina Panthers. Not Captain Pike of Star Trek but hey, I could not resist.

The Panthers burned through Matt Moore and Jimmy Clausen and finally called Pike to get him some playing time because , well, just because.

With seemingly ever star name either out or on the bench, this team is really hurting.

But honestly, I can’t decide who is hurting more. Panthers, Bills or Cowboys.

The Bills proved that they stink no matter what country they are in.

They Cowboys proved that there is no low too low for them to go this year.
















If I were Jason Garrett, and thank god I’m not, I’d be worried.

Hey Jason, here is a tip from a devoted Redskins fan. Keep calling up those wonderful passing plays!

And on a more positive note.

The Browns took it to Uncle Bill and the Pats! (I actually picked that one in my pickem league)























I know, everyone else was baffled too.

The Redskins didn’t lose.

And I am still winning the division in both my leagues thanks in part to my being able to (unbelievably) pick up Jacob Tamme off of waivers this week. If he is still available in yours, he is definitely worth a consideration.


!!! UPDATE !!!

Cowboys dot Com site goes down due to registration failure !!!

Default Network Solutions page with two kids playing soccer is shown instead of all the wonderful personnel and player headlines !!!

Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

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What this country really wants...

Is football. Yeah!

And auto tune. Booo!

My kids have been going gaga over these viral videos lately where folks put news casts and events to autotune.

They think it is the funniest thing since loony tunes and pre sliced bread.

So in honor of their viralness I have select two such auto-tune news videos for Fun Strip Fridays. Both feature football though you have to sit through at least half of the first one to get to What people really want and the second one features good ol' Randy Moss.

So without further delay....

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Cheap Shots - Revisited

Not that I am a believer in “hitting them when their down” or politically incorrect cheap shots, but here is one worth publishing. In order to give credit where credit is due, I took a screen shot.

















Romo shouldn’t worry though, I’m sure Jerry can still get him good seats to the Superbowl !

There, I feel better for having dumped on da boys.


Now on to the rest of my post...

I think I am going to change my teams name in my Borderless Fantasy League to the Bar Brawlers.

Right now they are called The Fun Bunch (my little protest and honor to the good ol’ days).

But after picking up Kenny Britt and moving him to the starting roster and totally blowing away my competition. I think a name change might be in order.

(Confession time) The only reason I played him was because DeSean was knocked out (literally) this week.

If anybody made a case for not being on the bench (bar stool) or otherwise, it was Kenny Britt.

It was a good week for my Fumbled Returns League of Experts team too!

I figured if the Giants defense could beat up on Cutler and the bears, so could the Skins.

In a game where I swear they were both trying to see who could throw the game more, The Skins Defense ended up being my teams top scoring “player” on the team.

And speaking of the Giants, I suppose congratulations are in order. Though I had my hopes up that da boys would actually win this one and force a tie with my beloved Skins and the Giants. Imagine that, me routing for da boys! What was I thinking ?

But alas, the football gods had other plans.

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Things I don't or didn't know

What is and is not a touchdown catch anymore . . .

Or why certain plays are or are not reviewed . . .

Or why you would celebrate before being tackled?

Why Cutler decided to make DeAngelo Hall his #1 receiver

Why McFadden waited until I vowed never to draft him again to prove how good he really is . . .

Oh yeah, he gets injured too much and (it's only one game)...

How old man Collins can be a stud QB

Oh yeah, bar brawler Britt showed why he should never be kept on the bench

Why going down on a knee is a celebration penalty but going down on two is not excessive . . .

















Oh yeah, he's looking up thanking God he managed to run 92 yards !

Why a team averaging 5+ yards a carry would abandon the run or even think that passing it could be better

Why anybody EVER thought that not trading for Cutler was a missed opportunity for the Redskins

That Andy Reid once made the brilliant coaching decision to bench Donovan then brought him back the next week? Yup - he was making bone headed plays

Hmmm Shanny is a pretty smart coach who demands excellence. I wonder if he will do the same?

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The Hit Stick

How good is Devin Hester?

Devin Hester, the fifth-year player from Miami, returned a punt 89 yards for a touchdown last week. It was the 13th kick or punt return for a score in his career. That ties him with former Redskins standout Brian Mitchell for the most all-time. Brian was a pretty darn good player with a nice combination of talent and attitude. The difference:

Mitchell returned 1,070 kicks and punts in his career. Hester has returned 262.

So, how do you stop him?

You break out your god given talent, mix it with a lot of attitude and add some good ol’ fashioned football competition. What does this give you?

The Hit Stick.

Mike Sellers, Lorenzo Alexander and most recently Chris Wilson made tackles that have jarred the opposing team and fired-up the Redskins - leading to a competition for who can dish out the most.

"We do the dirty work," Sellers said. "You got to find ways to let people know you can still play. Chris Wilson is figuring out me and Lorenzo's secrets, so we got to keep him out of the mix."

Currently there are 3 numbers on the stick - a 45, then a 97, then a 45.

Someone who delivers a major blow on special teams gets their jersey number on the stick and then gets to keep it in their locker. The catch: Such a blow must come in a win.

So Sellers's No. 45 is on the stick twice for tackles he made against Dallas and Green Bay. Alexander's No. 97 is on for a ferocious tackle against Philadelphia. But Wilson, who delivered a powerful hit against Indianapolis, is still waiting to see his No. 95, because he hasn't come through in a win.

Let’s put another number on that hit stick this week guys!

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Cheap Shots

OK, not exactly what you may have been thinking but hey, at least the colts kicker was an honest drunk.

Cop: "How much have you had to drink?"

McAfee: "A Lot, I'm drunk !"


But now on to the real meat and potatoes of this post.

I originally was going to post something about how the NFL Helmet has evolved from your basic cover to padded protection to a secure battering ram and how the old school style of helmet, similar to hockey may actually deter players from launching into another player.

But that was already covered fairly well here By Ditka and Paterno.

You can see by the picture(s) below how the helmet has evolved over the decades. If one were to decrease the protected area of the face, that probably would discourage players from launching their heads into other players.

I kind of actually like this idea and think it might work.























Then I got into thinking about how all this hype about the new rule changes is really nothing more than a PR smoke screen.

Let me try to explain my point by taking a moment to mention an analogy. A few years ago there were several instances of over the counter medications being tampered with and tainted with dangerous substances. One of the most notable instances was with Tylenol.

The risk was somebody tainting or altering the Tylenol capsules before they were bought by the general public. Of course this was extremely dangerous and a huge risk to the population.

So what was one of the biggest most noticeable and lasting changes to this and other over the counter medications. Tamper seals and warning labels.

Do these warnings stop somebody from endangering the public?
No.

Do the tamper seals ensure the safety of the product?
NO.

But the perception is that they do. And PR wise. Perception is 9 tenths of the law.

And it is a very cost effective strategy because it hardly costs the company anything at all to implement.

Now in regards to the NFL.

Does the 3 strike rule stop players from taking controlled substances?
No.

Do fines stop players from behaving badly or repeating illegal plays?
No.

Are suspensions going to stop helmet to helmet hits?
No.

But this gives the NFL commissioner the smoke screen of caring and doing something to protect the players.

And it does not cost him any money to do this.

I do have an issue with how this was done and the timing and the lack of specifics.

How are you going to determine if the helmet to helmet hit was accidental or not?
Are you going to suspend players the first time and every time and for how long?

A buddy of mine at work had an interesting idea. Perhaps if you suspended a player for as long as the "victim" was kept out? But I can just imagine all the conspiracy theories and warping of the rule by teams, doctors and coaches.

Another one was that we all should have a voting system where the fans get to vote on rulings, plays, and penalties. Again, another bad idea. But this does lead me to my next point.

That the game is changing. It is not the same game it used to be. There is a fear that the game is getting too watered down. That pretty soon we will be watching professional flag football.

Professional football players know the risks involved with their sport. In fact, they prepare themselves for these sort of plays all the time. Lavar talked about this in his article in the Washington Post how he had all the canned answers memorized so he could get back into the game. Answers like "why are you asking me the time? Do I look like I'm wearing a watch?"

My point is that most of the players know how to play the game and know the risks involved. Most fans know how the game should be played and the rules of fair play.

This smoke screen of perception is fine but it does not solve anything. Education will.

Sure injuries will still happen and rules are there to make sure everyone is able to play the game the way it should be played. In Junior football the topic of concussions is just as relevant and in the news as it is everywhere else. We enforce proper tackle techniques every practice and game. To my knowledge, we have not had one instance of concussion suffered by a player in our league.

What we have had is a ton of broken arms and wrists, but not concussions. In fact, we are thinking of putting in a weight regulation into our league because of the increase of broken arms and such. Our county is the only one in our area that does not have this rule and as a result, we have a fair number of players from outside our county playing in our league. But back to my point, no concussions.

I think we should let the players play football the way it should be played. And that we should make sure that fair play rules are taught. Rules like not leading with your head or launching yourself as a missile at another player. And, like the old school coaches said earlier. Reinstate the old style helmets with no face masks.

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Quote of the day

Carlos Rogers's hands are so bad it's amazing he can feed himself.

Thomas Boswell/Washington Post

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Miller Time

Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Marisa Miller will become the new spokesperson for the NFL.











What's up with all this "female" movement in the NFL? Nothing against looking at pretty models, cheerleaders, or even pretty model sports reporters . . .

I find this decision, and timing, rather strange. I know these advertising things often take weeks to put together and publish but with last weeks Brett Favre thing hitting the internet and yet another football model reporter scandal . . .

Well, I'm just saying that perhaps Ms. Miller should get an unlisted number.

But for some reason, when I think of the NFL, I do not think of these people. Apparently Ms Miller will be the official spokesperson for the NFL and is also set to appear in both print and television commercials for the league. The former Victoria's Secret model will be an NFL spokesperson through at least the 2011 Super Bowl and also will be promoting the upcoming 49r - Bronco game in London.

Maybe it is just me, but if the NFL really wanted to expand their viewership and demographic base, I would look for more relevant figures to advertise the NFL Brand.

For the upcoming London game, perhaps a prominent English political or other sports (Golf, Soccer) or famous business tycoon to say something along the lines of "when I think of America, I think of the NFL". OR perhaps show that person playing Madden Football and then blending into the real thing.

Could you imagine a commercial with the Queen Mum doing this? It would be great!

Speaking of commercials, promos, and the NFL: Did you happen to see the new Sunday Night intro with Faith Hill. Gawd Awful.

This is another example of a bad decision on the NFL's part: IMHO. At least they can all laugh at themselves and also air the SNL spoof during the past Eagles game.

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Randy Moss, Brett Favre and Jenn Sterger

Randy Moss on wondering what kind of pass that Brett Favre will be making . . .

And buying a new pair of gloves . . .

It’s not the ball that bothers me . . .
It where the hand that threw it has been . . .




Randy Moss is now worried that Brett Favre has his number . . .

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Dan the Man

In case you missed it. Dan Snyder sat down with ESPN and did an interview.

Thanks to Hogs Haven and YouTube for access to this really fascinating owner of the Redskins.

It does give a very different impression of Dan than many folks may or may not have.

But if one thing does come across in the interview is that he is media shy, loves the skins, and is always, as happens to be a common trait of entrepreneurs and successful business owners, trying something new.

And if they see something wrong or an opportunity to improve; jump right in and take care of it or as I believe Dan say "fix that".

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It's Official

Stink bugs have taken over!

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Making a Pass

Considering some of the "allegations" of the Ines Sainz fiasco, I love this commercial.

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Kids Today

When I was growing up, lots of kids had nicknames and lots of kids had idols.
It gives you an identity, an ideal, a role model to emulate.

It can even be a way of trash talking and taunting in a clever sort of way or even describing your style.

I understand this.

There were your "Dukes", "Mean Joes", your "Hogs".

Now, we have a kid on my sons Junior Falcons team whos nickname is Katy.

Why?

Because he dances around on the field singing "You think I'm pretty without any make-up on"

I have to admit that it is kinda funny seeing someone in full football gear dancing around singing this in between plays. Especially since he is one of the smallest, yet fastest players on the team, and nobody can catch him.

I just wish he had a different role model...

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Handcuffed

What a wild week of football to kick off the season. First week and we already have our first handcuff play at running back.

Of course I am talking about Ryan Grant and Brandon Jackson of the Green Bay Packers. Believe it or not, in my Borderless League Brandon Jackson is, for the moment, still available. In the first annual Fumbled Returns League of Experts, he is already off the board. But back to the Borderless League...

Ricks team was is the lucky recipient of the week one handcuff conundrum. He had has Ryan Grant, and in an incredible twist of fate and luck, there is only one thing standing in his way from being able to pick up Jackson off of waivers.

No, it is not me, though as commish I could pull some strings, but I would never do that. No, the only thing standing in Ricks way is the person who is first on the waiver order list. Rick, is second and the one thing about Rick is that he is, has been and always will be the most active person in the league playing the waivers.

I can’t argue with him, he has won the championship once and has consistently been in the playoffs, but because he is such a big spender, (we charge a dollar for each add and a dollar for each drop), often he has to win just to break even.

This year I decided to try my hand at playing the handcuff game strategy but as of yet, it is still early, it has not paid off. There are two ways to play this strategy. One is to backup your top back(s) with the handcuff. The other way is to play spoiler and pick the handcuff to somebody elses top back.

I chose the latter. I have Anthony Dixon (Frank Gore), and Javon Ringer (Chris Johnson). I had thought of Chester Taylor (Matt Forte) but he was long gone by the time the late round pickings occurred in the draft so I went another route.

Of course this strategy is very hit or miss, since one never knows who or when or even if it will ever happen but hey, that is why we play the game.

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Holding on

I'd like to personally thank both the Redskins and Cowboys for proving you do not have to play football well for it to be good and entertaining!














And maybe next time Calvin will not be so quick to celebrate! Even though, two hands, two feet, a butt and the other hand all said it was a completed catch, you still have to get back up off the ground with it.





At least the folks with the Titans know all about how to make a catch and keep possession!

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Here is my Solution

You know, football is filled with political references.
There are your right wingers, your left wingers, even people who just want to be center.

With the impending NFL lockout next year and the possibility of the NFL shutting down. (BTW - I do not see it happening) but lets just go with this no nfl possibility, we should organize all these religious / political groups and organizations into teams.

Give them all helmets and pads and let them have at it on the football field for 60 minutes.

You can't tell me that nobody on any of these teams is good at scheming and coming up with ways to get the other guy. And believe me, you would have more than enough different religious / political teams to populate a whole league.

You could even get the atheists involved. They could be the referees.

Anyway after the game is over everyone would shake hands and congratulate each other and go back to their regular lives for the week and come back again the following weekend to do it all over again.

You could sell tickets, bump up the price of concession stands, sell commercial and video rights, even have betting pools on the side. All profits would go to a lets just all get along fund.

I bet we could make enough money to build whatever community / mosque or Greek orthodox building we wanted to at or near ground zero.

Now for a name...

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hocus pocus

It seems every year I either read or hear about something in sports that athletes, teams, or coaches try to do or use in order to gain an advantage.

This year is no different. In fact, I have heard of two such ideas. One such craze is the wearing of magnetic bracelet.

It seems the latest craze to hit the professional sports scene are these magnetic bracelets and necklaces which are supposed to have healing and performance enhancement characteristics.

I hate to burst the medical bubble on this one but HOGWASH. This is just stupid.

The second such crazy idea is more technology based and is meant to take the guess work out of officiating.

Microchips in footballs. Supposedly somebody had the idea that these microchips could be used to signal a goal or first down or proper placement on the field.

Again, I hate to burst this bubble, but DOUBLE HOGWASH!

I propose that if you really want to improve the sport, we combine the two!

Magnetic gloves worn by athletes and thin metallic threads woven into the football. The combination of the two would help alleviate a common malady in all sports.


Dropping the ball.

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